---
title: My Memory
tags: []
up: "[[zane-meyers]]"
---
# My Memory

I have a family history of dementia,
and I am medically predisposed to transient forgetfulness.
Several times in my life I have found months/years old notes in my handwriting
that I could not recall writing, on subjects I could not recall having ever understood.

It deeply troubles me how much time I've wasted having the same ideas,
working through the same problems, coming to the same conclusions.
I am afraid that my memory has been deteriorating
and will continue to until I'm intellectually useless well before my time.
I'm not sure how much of this fear is real
and how much is a subconscious ploy to justify not making the effort.

I project this insecurity on others strongly.
I see the same signs in other people,
and it reminds me of my own weakness.
I get frustrated at others for not making efforts that I don't make myself.
I don't use this notebook as often or as well as I should.

> [!note]
> I give myself a hard time here,
> but my "failure" to make lasting mental connections
> is relative to my perception of my ability,
> not to observation of others'.
