vault backup: 2026-06-03 17:01:51

my-memory.md

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+---
+title: My Memory
+tags: []
+up: "[[zane-meyers]]"
+---
+# My Memory
+
+I have a family history of dementia,
+and I am medically predisposed to transient forgetfulness.
+Several times in my life I have found months/years old notes in my handwriting
+that I could not recall writing, on subjects I could not recall having ever understood.
+
+It deeply troubles me how much time I've wasted having the same ideas,
+working through the same problems, coming to the same conclusions.
+I am afraid that my memory has been deteriorating
+and will continue to until I'm intellectually useless well before my time.
+I'm not sure how much of this fear is real
+and how much is a subconscious ploy to justify not making the effort.
+
+I project this insecurity on others strongly.
+I see the same signs in other people,
+and it reminds me of my own weakness.
+I get frustrated at others for not making efforts that I don't make myself.
+I don't use this notebook as often or as well as I should.
+
+> [!note]
+> I give myself a hard time here,
+> but my "failure" to make lasting mental connections
+> is relative to my perception of my ability,
+> not to observation of others'.