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Me
My Memory
I have a family history of dementia and I am medically predisposed to transient forgetfulness. Several times in my life I have found months/years old notes in my handwriting that I could not recall writing, on subjects I could not recall having ever understood.
It deeply troubles me how much time I've wasted having the same ideas, working through the same problems, coming to the same conclusions. I am afraid that my memory has been deteriorating and will continue to until I'm intellectually useless well before my time. I'm not sure how much of this fear is real and how much is a subconscious ploy to justify not making the effort.
I project this insecurity on others strongly. I see the same signs in other people and it reminds me of my own weakness. I get frustrated at others for not making efforts that I don't make myself. I don't use this notebook as often or as well as I should.
My Productivity
In as few words as possible, I would say I am "High Efficiency, Low Productivity".
I have several problematic productivity habits.
Motivation
My primary motivators are curiosity and stress.
Curiosity
I find it very easy and natural to work on projects for extended, uninterrupted periods when I am investigating a new problem or a potential new way to solve a problem.
Because of this I often spend hours working on things that will not benefit me or anyone else. Even if they could be useful, my motivation ends with my curiosity around 90% progress, where I'm able to visualize the end result.
Stress
I find it near impossible to do work I'm not curious of until my subconscious determines that we have exactly enough time to finish it before the deadline.
My Dreams
I want to be involved construction estimating for the rest of my working life. Current discourse is self-similar and sanitized. I'd like to be known as an innovator in estimating-philosophy.