75 lines
2.4 KiB
Markdown
75 lines
2.4 KiB
Markdown
---
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id: me
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aliases: []
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tags:
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- destiny/permanent
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- status/draft
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- topic/meta
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- type/encyclopedia
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- authorship/original
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title: Me
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---
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# Me
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## My Memory
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I have a family history of dementia,
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and I am medically predisposed to transient forgetfulness.
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Several times in my life I have found months/years old notes in my handwriting
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that I could not recall writing, on subjects I could not recall having ever understood.
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It deeply troubles me how much time I've wasted having the same ideas,
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working through the same problems, coming to the same conclusions.
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I am afraid that my memory has been deteriorating
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and will continue to until I'm intellectually useless well before my time.
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I'm not sure how much of this fear is real
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and how much is a subconscious ploy to justify not making the effort.
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I project this insecurity on others strongly.
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I see the same signs in other people,
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and it reminds me of my own weakness.
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I get frustrated at others for not making efforts that I don't make myself.
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I don't use this notebook as often or as well as I should.
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> [!note]
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> I give myself a hard time here,
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> but my "failure" to make lasting mental connections
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> is relative to my perception of my ability,
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> not to observation of others'.
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## My Productivity
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In as few words as possible,
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I would say I am "High Efficiency, Low Productivity".
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I have several problematic productivity habits.
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### Motivation
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My primary motivators are curiosity and stress.
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I find it very easy and natural
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to work on projects for extended, uninterrupted periods
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when I am investigating a new problem,
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or a potential new way to solve a problem.
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Because of this I often spend hours working on things
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that will not benefit me or anyone else.
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Even if they _could_ be useful, my motivation ends with my curiosity
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around 90% progress, where I'm able to visualize the end result.
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I find it near impossible to do work I'm not curious of
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until my subconscious determines that we have exactly enough time
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to finish it before the deadline.
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I think I spend much more time bored than my peers.
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Others with as much free time as me
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tend to spend it exercising or in other more reasonable activities.
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## My Purpose
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I want to be involved construction estimating for the rest of my working life.
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Current discourse on the subject is self-similar and sanitized.
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I'd like to be known as an innovator in [[estimating-philosophy]],
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and for solving some of its open problems.
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