31 lines
1.1 KiB
Markdown
31 lines
1.1 KiB
Markdown
---
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title: My Memory
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tags: []
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up: "[[zane-meyers]]"
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---
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# My Memory
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I have a family history of dementia,
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and I am medically predisposed to transient forgetfulness.
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Several times in my life I have found months/years old notes in my handwriting
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that I could not recall writing, on subjects I could not recall having ever understood.
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It deeply troubles me how much time I've wasted having the same ideas,
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working through the same problems, coming to the same conclusions.
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I am afraid that my memory has been deteriorating
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and will continue to until I'm intellectually useless well before my time.
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I'm not sure how much of this fear is real
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and how much is a subconscious ploy to justify not making the effort.
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I project this insecurity on others strongly.
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I see the same signs in other people,
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and it reminds me of my own weakness.
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I get frustrated at others for not making efforts that I don't make myself.
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I don't use this notebook as often or as well as I should.
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> [!note]
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> I give myself a hard time here,
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> but my "failure" to make lasting mental connections
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> is relative to my perception of my ability,
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> not to observation of others'.
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